I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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