we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
