some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
