he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
