3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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