Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
