Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
