He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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