Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I die, sorry about rent.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
