Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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