I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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