I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
