a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
