I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
