Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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