Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
