I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
