Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
