Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
