We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
