508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
