Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
