I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
