Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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