A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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