blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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