he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
