sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
