a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
