Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
