I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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