Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
