omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
