theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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