i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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