My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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