walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
