when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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