Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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