Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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