Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?

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(513): View more from Ohio

NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

(1-513): View more from Ohio

God I fucking love America.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps

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(630): View more from Illinois

So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.

(319): View more from Iowa

You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.

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(705): View more from Ontario

You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work

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(231): View more from Michigan

You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really

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(541): View more from Oregon

Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.

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(801): View more from Utah

How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?

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