I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Two words: blizzard sex
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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