Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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