Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
