I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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