did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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