I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
