I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
