At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fuck appropriateness.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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