and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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