My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
