wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Bring me that man meat
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
