so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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