My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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