My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
