You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Found your dick twin last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
