Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Houston, we have a blender
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
